Brand New Stranger

4.06.2010
It has been a week with the campus life. Alone. I felt like i was (am) in prison. Without family, without home, without friends ad simply without anything. Now it's friday, five days of lecture classes. Some were boring some were fun. Most lectures could really show their abilities in teaching, i mean lecturing. This is the first week, just with lectures, no tutorials. Firstly, i really hate the student time arrangement. There were many intervals between each classes. For the long intervals, okay... it's okay, i could go to the library. But an hour interval, what could i do? Outside the lecture hall or classes is damn hot.

Many of my course mate came in groups, some in large, some in a group of three or four.
I really envy them, that they have friends that could pursue courses in the same tertiary school.
In my case, what a pity and sad case. I came alone from penang. I managed to met new friends but... of the different tutorial group. This let to a difference in time table. I was not trying to be aloof, but just cant get a friend that is alone, same group and bla bla bla... DESPERATEly...

I wondered, why... WHY UTAR doesn't have a hostel student's accommodation inside the university compound.. Second thing i hate about campus is, to go to school, I ( general = all) have to cycle to school - that is damn tiring. By the time we reach school, we will smell and stink. A long travel from hostel to the school... both are separated by a lake. Not big, not small...

My friends (newly met) went back to their hometown... most of them live in Perak State. It is only an hour or more to their place. Haiz...
I wanna go home, but unfortunately, not to my luck, the bus was full.

Thought about it, God was playing A Fool with me. For the whole week of school, it rained when i was ready to cycle home.. Kill me~ oh~
And for the 2nd day itself of my university life, something went wrong with my bicycle...
Many problems with my bicycle, sounds came out, brakes grip griping the back tyres... etc...
I regretted buying that stupid idiot bicycle from penang. I took my bicycle to a shop near the hostel... under the bloody rain... crossing the main road.
I stayed at the shop for about 2 hours waiting for them to get my bicycle done... I was waiting-worried... I cried-out deeply from the bottom of my heart.

Where is safety without family around you?
Where is love without family around you?
Where is the world without family around you?
Where is my soul without my family?!

I really miss my family... I couldn't go back today...
And in the afternoon, just now, mum called (at2pm) me and told me that dad was just discharged from the hospital. And has to go back somewhere in this month. I hold my tears until i hanged up the call. I cried loudly (lucky my roommate wasn't in). I was pain in my heart, actually now i still can feel it. I couldn't go back and see him. I wasn't brave enough to phone and ask dad about him.
According to mum, dad was admitted because of heart problem. I had only the courage to give a short sms ' told u nt to smoke..u stil smoke, nw ur heart problem liao lo.' as tears rolled down.

I then came out of the room (at 3pm) and stayed at the compound downstairs until now ( 9.25pm). I'm afraid to be alone in the room... At least downstairs there are many people.

I cried-sick...

Kakaks' just came comfort me (few seconds ago). They saw me crying while i wrote this. Thanks...

I now know how Tony Tan felt during secondary school days, he was the top 1 book worm of the school. No matter where he went, he will be empty handed (exclude the lavatory part). Now in uni life, there are probation and termination system if students can't do well in examination. I could feel the pressure! I'm afraid to let my parents down. Every night i would revise lecture notes, at the mean time thinking and wanting to cry upon academic issues. Primary and secondary school, there were no such things as extended semester or terminated. That were the times human being can enjoy. But for Tony Tan, had he ever enjoy those times?
'No money, no talk' is most, highly suitable for uni life. Everything is about $$. Books, i mean original ones, each cost more than 50 and it could only be used for a semester. Unlike, those young happy days back, teacher in class will distribute a stack of books which are FOC 'pinjaman' from government. Now, uni students have to pick up books that are listed by lecturers from the book store. Another supportive 'no money, no talk' slogan is on the bus ticket. A trip, no matter far or near, once you get up the UTAR bus, 70 cents will be 'donated' to UTAR. Imagine, 2 ways - to school and back home, RM 1.40 a day... Hmmm... UTAR's economic strategy very 'geng'.
Some more... To resit examination IF fail... pay... IF fail, must extend another semester... pay...
More... Car park sticker... pay...
More...
Some more...

Sincerely, i never had a piece of mind since i enter the university life. Everyday, there will be something for me to worry. Who to go to school with? How will my meals be? Who can be my good friends? Who to seek help? How to deal with my bicycle? How will my exam be? Will i be lucky enough to go through life? and many many more... endless... << These will not be much of a problem if my family is around me.
The End...
I hope...
i will no longer be lonely...
I want more good friends...

PLEASE GOD...
GUIDE ME...
PROTECT ME...
and my dad...
my family...

last updated: 10:23 6.06.2010